Unemployment

We wait for the baby to arrive; for gasoline prices to drop; for retirement; for the moment and the money to buy a new house or the latest technology; kids wait for christmas just like their parents wait for date night; wait for that acceptance letter to our 1st choice college; wait for the promotion or the job of our dreams; single girls wait for the large diamond ring to be slipped on their finger; wait for a honest politician to finally take office; wait for wars to be over and peace to rule; wait for the ball (and the other one too) to drop; wait for happiness to come because we are tend to taught that it's more of a physical state than an emotional one.

And sometimes we wait for the inevitable.

This was one of those things that was inevitable, I just didn't want to see it that way. It's hit me harder than I thought or would have ever wanted.

One month in, life throws us a curve ball and declares the honeymoon over.

"ok," you say with eyes set forward, "on to the next best thing." I know you you're not broken- up about this (stressed, yes, but not broken hearted), hated that crummy ass job, with its loads of paperwork that made you stuck in a cubicle day after day. I know you hated being treated like a puppet, always under the direction of someone else. I know you anticipated this day, anticipated what you forsaw as the inevitable. FEMA was a way to delay it.

I on the other hand kept my head down, denied the obvious, didn't want to feel or think or even make a hypothetical out of all this. So I didn't, I charged forward believing that paperwork meant safety; that people, out of the goodness of their hearts, would spare us; that happiness can/should be compromised for a paycheck.

And for that i am deeply sorry.

I'm also sorry that you're comforting me. Reassuring me. Having to be the strong one when it was your job. It should be the other way around, I know that. But, no matter how hard i try, i just can't be that person today. Not even tomorrow. But I hope I can soon. For you.

Where to now? What next?

One big question mark.