I worked 5 1/2 hours today. It felt like 12 1/2. I wonder what is so exhausting about my job. Is it standing on me feet. Plastering a smile to my face. Saying "have a nice day" or asking "how are you" when it's not really genuine. Putting on a facade. That is exhausting. And all of us do it. Day in and day out.
N & I worked on cleaning the garage today. We had bought some shelves to put in there and now all the camping gear, all the coolers, all the christmas decorations, all the paint supplies and all the tools are exactly where they should be. It feels good to make progress like that. It feels good not to have to search through boxes or go on a manhunt just to find where the gift bags are stored. We plan on buying one more set of shelves to store "everything Michigan" including boots, coats, scarves, hats. We have absolutely no need for them down here but I know we'll be back someday in the dead of winter and really need all of those things. Might as well have keep them on hand.
Speaking of winter, I had a customer come in last night. We started a friendly conversation about Michigan and he genuinely asked how we dealt with the snow. "Umm," i said "we dig ourselves out after a heavy snowstorm and hope we don't spin out on the road on the way to work. It's really not life altering." He could hardly believe that. That we our lives didn't end when we got more than 3 inches of snow. I then went on to say that it amused me how people react to rain down here. There's a certain electric excitement that fills the air. People stay in doors. Stay off the roads. Wait until the storm passes rather than venture out into the puddles. I've learned that people who grow up in a 4 season climate have a certain "hardiness" about them. Little fazes them. And they believe everything is manageable. Even driving in white out conditions.
I've been on a book buying spree lately. I've been busy clearing out the book shelves (I have finally learned the importance of getting rid of books that didn't move me/change me/alter my way of seeing the world/or teach me anything significant) and yesterday took a fairly large stack down to the used book store. I got $18 credit and picked up three more titles. I now have 3 shelves of books that have yet to be read. N kindly asked tonight if I could put the book buying on hiatus until I made a larger dent in the stack called "books i'm going to read in the future." I told him that I didn't plan on having children and that I would need something to keep me company when i'm old and grey. He said I shouldn't worry too much and reminded me that I might as well be hording canned food and duct tape for Y2K.
These days, i've been collecting paint swatches just as much as I have been collecting books. I have so many different variations of greens and pinks and aquas that I feel lost in the color whee. Do I prefer Pear over Dried Palm or Aqua Pura over Cool Jazz? I wish I had some insight. It's isolating to decorate a house when it's just you and your mind and you're looking at all these paint colors and slowly but surely becoming overwhelmed with oh my god but what if I choose Minty Fresh over Slight Sea Foam?!!! I need someone to pull me away for a while or help me understand how Pear and Pura Aqua can peacefully co-exist with Silver Drop.
N's really no help. He doesn't see what the big deal is and doesn't understand why I have so many different shades of grey and why I keep taping them to the wall and then standing back and staring at it for 10 minutes. He walks past and just tells me what nice job I did on our last apartment but then reminds me that, uh, no he has no opinion and doesn't care to take the time to form one.
I'm thinking that I'll start with those rooms that i'm sure of. My bathroom for instance. It's small. do-able. And I know exactly what I want. And when that's finished I'll just move on to the next room. It'll get done.
And it will be exactly how I want it. Cause it's my house now. All mine. And to be that settled feels so good.
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