I live in Florida now. A permanent residence and the FL drivers licenses to prove it. The suitcases that we've been living from for the last 2 years have fianlly gone into retirement (at least for now). We have bought a house. Unpacked boxes of items that we had forgot about or wished we had with us all the while we were on travel status. We've bought furniture and debated what colors to paint the walls. We have Matisse with us again.
We're home.
There has been a lot of excitement over this transition. N finally got a job he enjoys. One that is more stable, and that pays a lot better. There are no more questions or doubts about the next place he'll be stationed (if anywhere) or whether he'll just be sent home for lack of work. There will be no more large gaps of time spent apart. We can actually plan for the future.
I have the chance to go back to school. To get a different, better, more permanent job. I can do anything. Be anyone. But i'm beginning to think that what I craved is exactly what I was most afraid of. The biggest question still looms over my head: what do I want to do? Who do I want to be? And now that I have no excuses, I find myself depressed because I don't know the answers to these questions and I don't know how to go about resolving them either.
The answer that keeps resounding in my head is just keep moving forward. The world does not standstill and no matter how hard I try I can't either. I can stagnate but not stand still. Update my resume. Apply for jobs. Go to interviews. Enroll in school again. Get that diploma. It's all a jumping point that will hopefully (and eventually) get me to where I am meant to be. I can't expect the future to reveal itself to me all at once just because I need the reassurance of it. Life is uncertain. The future is most definitely so. But the only way to success is to put one foot in front of the other and start the journey into the unknown.
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