Nite Out

i remember why i don't go out now. i hate running into people i knew way back when and having to suffer through awkward conversations that you can barely hear over the throbbing techno music:

R: "Logan, Sara Barber?!" Stops & points at us and we both stand on the sidelines of the dance floor. Me dressed in a sweater/sweatshirt combo, jeans & heals looking oh so 25 and not 18. I look at the stranger for the longest time not placing her, assuming she must be an old acquaintance of Sara's but she really doesn't seem to be making the connection either. I stare longer
R: "I can't believe you don't know who i am?! I know who you are?!" Somewhere in my brain connections are starting to be made, but when i finally shout out a name
"Oh my God, Faith!" it's the wrong one but i don't think she heard me over the music so i'm safe once i truly recognize who she is.
R: "Do you still fucking hate me?" HuH?! This girl that i knew and was friends with 6, 7, 8 years ago would never look like this and would really NEVER drop the F word in the first sentence. What college and life experience does to people. . . .

So we proceed to make small talk. I ask if she's still writing. She asks what i'm up to and proceeds to congratulate me on getting married. Sara says she a social worker. We sip from our straws & look around because we don't know what else to talk about and the thought of trying to hold an interesting conversation over the music seems like a chore.

A guy walks up to R, steps in close and whispers into her ear. She giggles & brushes sweaty strands of hair away from her face. She explains:
"I was just dancing with random guys out on the floor, you know how it is."
I knew how it was in circa 2003 when i still did this - get obliterated on shots of tequila and then attempt to find myself in the music that reverberated through the floor, in the arms of some complete stranger that i could only see through tequila eyes & a pumping strobe light that intensified the "high" even more.

4 years and one engagement later i find myself more happy sipping wine with dinner, exercising 2x a day and falling into my boyfriends arms night after night exchanging familiar stories or events from the day rather than superficial stories over shots. I don't know how it is anymore, but i did once upon a time so i smile & nod my head in agreement.

Andrea, Sara & I all leave before the bar before it closes (which would have been heresy 4 years ago) and strode along the downtown street arm & arm. Andrea asked if i really hated R? Back then, yes. Now, No. Andrea laughs and says at least i'm honest. I think about how everything has changed and how all those years offered me a fresh perspective on what's important. We continue walking in a silence for a bit until A pipes up again "To be perfectly honest, i thought the bar scene stopped when i stopped." we all laugh in agreement. we are adults, now. with jobs to work on saturday nights, early monday mornings and the belief that sundays are way too precious to spend hungover.