Lost & Found

i took a test a few weeks ago in Oprah magazine about what kind of person i was: a builder, an explorer, a negotiator, a director. i sat, pen in hand, and carefully and truthfully answered the questions put before me. through self awareness, i had already eliminated director & builder but was unsure where i would land with the 2 left.

i added up my points - an explorer. easily bored. constantly seeks change. excited by adventure and the unknown.

i shook my head and whispered to myself "that can't be right." i put the pen down and stared outside the window, focused on how much i love stability, how the slightest bump in my best laid plans can cause me to careen over the side. how i cannot imagine seeking a life outside of my dear Michigan.

there was only a 2 pt difference between negotiator - thrives with people, seeks stability, peacemaker - so i found peace of mind in the more comfortable label of a negotiator. that was familiar. friendly. something i could most definitely relate to.

but yesterday as we explored a suburb of orlando, i realized that Oprah may have been right afterall. maybe it was me who was afraid of the change. of becoming something different, of developing into a person that was not familiar to myself. of realizing that person wants/needs.

we tend to stagnate when we're not forced to explore. we settle into a routine we appreciate because it's familiar to us. we go to the same restaurants. stay within the same community. spend time with the same people, because it's easier than meeting new people and developing new relationships.

but when i am pushed outside of myself (and i am always pushed, i never go willingly), it seems those are the moments that i can be the most truthful with myself: i do love the thrill of discovering new places. finding my niche inside of them. getting lost and finding my way back. again. and again. and again.