Wedding Nightmares

the nightmares are, apparently, just beginning. i sent a message via facebook to my best friend: "i had a horrible nightmare about the wedding." her response did nothing to comfort or soothe, "so, the nightmares are starting? I remember those!"

starting? as in, i'll have plenty more before this hellish event is over?

the nightmare entailed me rushing down the aisle as i slid on a shoe, hair disheveled, holding a paper sack of flowers. as i moved closer to the front, i tore off the brown paper from the flowers, untwisted the tie that was holding them together and tried to make some semblance of a bouqet out of roses with 3 foot stems. upon my rushed arrival to the front, i realized that no one was there to actually marry us, so N pulled one of his ordained fema buddies from the crowd to do the dirty work. and that was just the beginning. . .

the rice holders were not made. the favors not assembled. the invitations had never gone out. the band didn't know what to play. the guests didn't know where to sit. the catering company didn't know where to deliver the food.

this is what i've learned through this whole experience: i never want to made a decision again. do i choose the ivory background rather than the brown? do i choose the red candles over the off white? square or round vases? "the honor of your presence" or "the pleasure of your company", do i address to Mr & Mrs John Smith or John & Elizabeth Smith? Do i wear my hair down, or up or halfway in between? Do we want tuxes or suits? Do i want a single set ring or a channel set ring? Do i want a father daughter dance, a dollar dance, or no dances at all? what beers, wines or salad dressings do i want to provide my guests? and how much of everything? will i throw birdseed, rice or opt for bubbles instead?

and all of those choices don't even touch the choices that need to be made when registering. registering, which is supposed to be one of the most delightful events in a young brides life, has turned out to be rather torterous. the object? pick coveted items you would like for your house. but what if i don't have a house when i get married? what if we're just packing up our gifts and putting them in storage until god knows when? how do you plan for a house you don't yet have? walls that you haven't yet picked a color out for?

how do you plan for that?

it takes me back to the time when i stood in line at the registers office and had to declare my major. i was given a small piece of pink paper and a #2 pencil and told that i must pick both a major and a minor. how do you do that? how do you pick something in a split second that will determine your life's path from that moment on. how do i make choices on bath towels and dinnerware and intrinsically know that i'll like them 5, 10 or 50 years down the road?

instead, i stew, question, poll my friends and family and then stew some more. i put off making a decision till the very last second just in case i happen to make the wrong one. i lack confidence even in my instincts, the very thing in moments of doubt, you're supposed to listen to. and then in hindsight i inevitably say "i should have listened to my insticts."

well, my instincts say this: stick to earth tones when registering. they're easy to work with. and also, don't drive yourself mad with this wedding. it's one day. and will be here and gone before you know it.